Category: Humour

Something our team at work has found quite comical lately is the increasingly personal and nonsensical emails from our new relic “contact” or “account manager”. Just have a read of these;

This was his first email to us.

6th August 2014

I hope all is well. We recently had a re-org of accounts here and I will be your new contact. So I wanted to introduce myself and see how the New Relic trial is coming along. It appears you have successfully deployed the agent into your app and it is reporting back some interesting data. Do you have any questions I can help with?

Let me know if you are seeing value as we have a promotion running right now that offers a significant discount.

Nothing suss so far, pretty standard. But then just a bit over a month later, he seemed to be ready to move on;

Hello there, This message is to notify you that I will not be your account manager for 4mation Technologies starting next quarter since I was promoted. How does this help you? Still considering a paid account? Great! bc now is the PERFECT time since I have every reason to help you out plus you wont have to start this whole process over again with a new account manager next quarter.

To review current end of quarter promotions (plus something extra!) for your account and get yourself an awesome deal, please contact me ASAP! 🙂

tl;dr:
I wont be your account manager soon and if you think you want NR Pro instead of Lite, now you can get an awesome discount & I can go out strong.

Let’s make a win-win, cheers!

Some really casual use of language there. Then 3 days later, he follows up with a follow-up;

Hey again, did you have any update on this? Something you wanted to take advantage of by chance? -Troy

Then another month later, the guy must have totally forgotten about the whole affair, because he informs us he’s leaving again;

Hello there, This email is to let you know I will not be your New Relic account manager for 4mation Technologies next month since I’ve been promoted!

Why is this great news for you?
I have approval for OVER 40% discounts.
I can enroll you for discontinued startup packages
there’s nothing to stop be from giving you as great a deal possible

Love the tool, looked into a paid account but was too expensive? Sounds familiar?

This is the PERFECT time to review your options again! Bc if you upgrade the 3 hosts you have connected, you get the maximum discount possible!

Please contact me if you are interested to see what this would look like. Thank you!

Hi again, just a brief follow up to my last email to say again how much I’d like to be the one welcoming you as a customer by making it as easy for you as possible.

It looks like you are NR a lot recently so I thought you might be interested. Can you let me know if you would like to review pricing?

I’d really like to do everything I can for you.

Thanks,
Troy

P.S. This is not an automated email, me = human 🙂

This string of same emails with follow ups is so ridiculous, that I suppose he does feel the need to state they are not automated (or are they?).

Then over a month later, we get another email from him titled, “what happened today will never happen again”.

Pardon the spam fellow data nerd, but this email is worth reading if you are opportunistic and actively using New Relic…

tl,dr;
new relic flash sale on APM now gets you additional products Browser, Synthetics for free. why = big push by sales org due to recent events. YOU QUALIFY.

See us in the news recently? It’s a super exciting time for New Relic right now- check it out! Because of what you’ll find, our Sales org just rolled out a packages that give a over 40% discount AND includes Browser Pro & Synthetics Pro at no additional cost- FREE! Yes, 40% discount on APM when including Browser & Synthetics.

The minimum number of licensed hosts needed to qualify for this discount pack is 4, you currently have 3 connected for your 4mation Technologies account.

Does this sound attractive to you? Maybe you were considering a smaller or larger plan instead?

Either way, please contact me to start a conversation about this- what happened today will never happen again.

So 4 months after he said he is promoted and will no longer be our account manager, he… still is? While perfectly harmless, we just found all these emails and their timing to be quite funny.

Update: After that, we’ve gotten 2 more (and slightly more generic) emails from the buy, latest one being March.